This page shows all of my old blog posts that I couldn't bare to get rid of... I think it is important to look back on the growth of a person... And this is like my own personal archive of my late teens.
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When I was in High School getting called any name hit me like a tonne of bricks. I would cry about it, wag class because of it, distance myself from people and try to escape the real world by creating my own little world which for me was music.
The days where getting called "a fat emo" really don't seem that bad when you reach the "adult world" and get called every other bloody insult possible. Over a month ago I felt like life was too hard and like I wanted to hide away from everything. I wanted to sleep, stay at home and keep my distance. This is just my way of dealing with things. This month though I have somehow turned into someone who will not deal with anyone's "shit". The reason I call it shit here is because it literally is just a big load of shit that has no impact on my life anymore. I copped a heap of abuse from a bunch of people because of this article I wrote. It is about an insane breakthrough in my life and instead of people celebrating and supporting me there was an attempt by some to drag me down. This one person in particular who is ALWAYS without a doubt waiting for any chance to abuse me of course took total advantage of this article. As bad as it sounds though... I am used to this person trying to hurt me. They used to really get to me... Like REALLY get to me to the point where I wasn't sure if I was even in the right place in my life or surrounded by the right people. This person made me question my relationship, my job, my money... Every single aspect of my life no matter how microscopic was attacked by this one person. I used to cry about it and feel totally worthless but now I realise that I am better than that. My life is great! I can pay the bills, am studying, about to start working full time, start my apprenticeship, study some more, get a band up and running, save for a house and get a Career. I won't be working a job that I hate for the rest of my life but I will be working with something I enjoy... DOGS! I've grown to realise that no matter what there is always some toxic person out there lurking, just waiting for the moment to pounce on you. I have also realised that you do get to know people in a completely different way as you get older. You can see how ill informed, sexist, racist and downright awful a person can be. In the last month I have noticed this and have been able to see a completely different side to the people that I thought I knew quite well. I now see what they are truly like. I now see that I don't need that sort of toxicity in my life! When I was copping a lot from a heap of people I know the others around me that I were talking to expected me to be upset. They all assumed that I wouldn't be coping. For once though instead of curling up under a blanket in an attempt to avoid "my problems" I laughed. I was getting abuse hurled at me left right and centre yet all I could do was laugh. I half expected that it would all catch up to me and soon enough I would be watching Jane The Virgin whilst crying in bed (team Michael all the way for the record) but none of that happened. Even now I am still not feeling like it got to me. I have become comfortably numb to the abuse. I also got myself involved in a "Facebook war". There was a business which was totally sexist in more than one way that was not afraid to show it. I wouldn't let it slide and was sick of the fact that women sit there whilst getting treated like that! It is disgusting! I spoke up about it and received an insane amount of support from people that I knew but also people that I didn't know. People were expecting me to be hiding away at that as well... I mean what I did get called was insanely awful. I was told to "Shut up Sl**. Get on the tread mill ya fat f***". Then they ripped out this one "sexism. Lol. Shut up and clean the house ya fat c*** Sl**. Bet ya got a sticking hairy box too the fat whore maddie. Toe rag c***". This of course was NOTHING compared to the death threats, absolutely appalling photos I was getting sent and public naming and shaming. THIS was all because I was standing up for myself and the women around me who are too afraid to speak up against this kind of behaviour! It was absolutely disgusting and a complete eye opener. I shared this on my Facebook to prove a point that sexism is still alive and well. I then got victim blamed (by males of course). They were saying things like "you shouldn't have said anything. If you knew they were sexist why would you say anything when you would of course get this sort of abuse". Because a lady is wearing a short skirt is must mean she is asking for it right? Are you fucking kidding me MATE? So because I might get abused I should keep my mouth shut and let other women such as myself be abused? I don't think so. The point I am trying to make here is that there are some people out there who are really shit. They just are. They feel insecure about themselves so they have to make any attempt to make you fall below them so that they appear and feel stronger. Well guess what Ladies and Gents.. I am not going to give up fighting for what I believe in, what I care about or MYSELF. The awful things that people say to me mean nothing, especially if they are in fact a toxic person. I have more to worry about than a few people who can't wake up from their stupidity.
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