This page shows all of my old blog posts that I couldn't bare to get rid of... I think it is important to look back on the growth of a person... And this is like my own personal archive of my late teens.
|
Things have been super quite here on the blog haven't they? There are a number of different reasons why that is. One of the main reasons is that I have started a youtube channel! This is something that I have wanted to do for a while and I finally got around to starting one up. The channel is small, as is my following but it is growing and I have so many great ideas for the future.
Vlogging and also the editing side of those vlogs takes quite a lot of time, especially if you want it to be done well. I am not very good at editing yet so mine are done what most would call "shitly" but to me it is the most well they get! One things I have really grown to love about having a youtube channel is the people that connect to you. I have connected to so many different people, from so many different places all over the world. We all have one thing in common which is to send our creativity into the world. If you did want to check out my vlog feel free to do so! Another reason that there hasn't been as much "action" on the blog is because I was busy working and studying all at once. This however is changing dramatically. If you do follow my Youtube channel you may have seen this video. Basically I got dismissed from my job. The job that I held onto for over 8 months eagerly awaiting the beginning of my apprenticeship. The job where despite the fact that I was getting bullied I still loved. The job that had literally just finalised my study so I was all set to begin. The job that screwed me over big time and has left me in more of a rough place than ever before. At the start of the week when it all happened I felt fine. I was positive and felt like everything would work out anyway, this is just a minor set back. Now though as I sit on my bed, while the sun is shining outside, hiding from anything I realise that I am not feeling as strong as I hoped. It was only a few days ago that I was saying how I am fine and an do anything... Oh how things change! I managed to pick up work. It has not turned out to be how I imagined. It sucks. I am stuck now deciding between whether to say that "this isn't for me" or to hold on so that I am not the pathetic person that has quit a job when they need it. I always feel judged when it comes to finding or leaving jobs. No matter what I do someone has something negative to say. The thing is though the person saying that has no idea what exactly it is like for me. They don't know how it is making me feel or how I came home last night and broke down in tears after cleaning out fryers and grills. They don't know any of that or how it makes me feel having to force myself to be okay and hang onto something that I cannot cope with. I haven't even made a decision yet and I am already feeling like I am letting everybody down, although in reality it is me who has been let down and that is why I am in this situation to begin with. I am not as strong as I want to be right now.
2 Comments
|
|