32 weeks pregnant. Feeling all the feels. Feeling emotional. This week I've found that so many thoughts have crossed my mind. Compared to my last pregnancy I am often caught thinking more about how BIG this change is going to be. I know they say that going from one-two kids is meant to be much easier than going from no babies to one... But with a toddler who is truly showing some incredible emotional development at the moment (which is more often than not a tantrum and high pitched screech that makes your ears bleed), I find myself just plain exhausted. Not tired, not like I'm lacking anything in my diet... But just that I am truly exhausted as a whole. I want to cry. I want to sleep. I want to lift my feet off the ground. Sit under the full moon. Sit by a waterfall (or any water for that matter, I've felt a huge urge to be near water this pregnancy). Finish the books I wanted to read... Do all the things that I didn't do with my first pregnancy... But I just can't as the reality is I am already a Mum, and have a beautiful little human to tend to.
When my partner got home tonight he put some music on for E and him to dance to. She loves dancing, loves been rough and getting to wrestle with him. I came in to the loungeroom to watch them laugh and dance together. I sat on my birthing ball, gently bouncing, with my hands over my belly, housing the little ball of love that we made who is dancing too.... And all I could do was cry. I couldn't stop. My body just would not let me stop crying. Why was I crying this time?! Because I am going to miss this. The three of us. I miss been able to dance and be rough with my little one as it seems so long ago that I did that, that I was able to comfortably hold Edith is my arms and dance. She's getting so big and the thought came to me "Wow, will I ever get to do that again or will she just be too big". "Will I constantly have a new baby attached and my "old" baby be left to dance on the floor". Talk about some serious guilt hormones kicking in! I've been thinking about having a bath all day. Letting my body soak, in some sweet, sweet epsom salts, let any tension and aches my body is having flow down the drain. I look at the time and now realise I am going to have this bath now...
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A Mum on a mission to raise an Earth Warrior.
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