This is a journal insert about how I am struggling with my pregnant body. I find it really hard to work through past trauma and experiences... They take some time for me to process and really work through properly. That's why I am finding that with this second pregnancy it is quite hard to keep up with the processing and the dramatic changes that are happening so quickly. When I fell pregnant a second time 10kgs under the weight I had fallen pregnant with my first I thought "I am going to smash this out". I have more of idea of proper nutrition, am eating plant based and am running after a toddler all day. However much like my first pregnancy I am just finding myself piling on the weight. It doesn't matter how healthy I eat or whether I am moving around all day... When pregnant rather than having a bump... I BECOME THE BUMP. I'd be lying if I did not say that this is a huge challenge both for my wardrobe and my mental health.
How do I work through something that is constantly changing? Once I accept one thing, another bursts out (literally). I wanted to be this confident ball of hotness with this pregnancy due to the feelings I was having (or more so made to have (thank you Doctor)) with my first but it's hard. I can't seem to find any maternity clothing that works with my body shape and already at only 20 weeks I am having strangers on the street say "you mustn't have long to go now" and I sit there thinking... "yep, only another 20 weeks". Imagine what I will look like at 40 weeks?! It's kind of scary to think about. Will I get people asking me if I am having triplets?! Maybe we need to stop assuming that bump sizes are small til the end? Or maybe we need to stop assuming full stop? Surely I am not the only pregnant woman to have experienced this? I've used Op Shops forever for clothing, the only new items I have bought in the last few years were underwear and socks. Next week though, I am going into a store, looking at the maternity section and finding something that fully works with the bump of a human I am becoming. I deserve it, this might be the last time I am ever growing a human. I need it! Do not get me wrong, my body is incredible and I LOVE being pregnant. It's one of my favourite feelings/experiences in the world. I also know I should not be letting other people's thoughts get to me but it's so hard when I am so vulnerable. Rant over, goodnight, good day, see you next time.
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A Mum on a mission to raise an Earth Warrior.
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